Dan's Journal

Sat, 11 Nov 2006 18:43:41 GMT

Haven't posted here in a while...

I've had talks with people I'm close with,
and I've come to the conclusion that I'm pretty
much a huge asshole. I come off as thinking
I'm better than everyone else and I'm really
judgmental about other people.
Really, I'm just a very opinionated person, and
I do mean well, but I'm sick of offending people
and making people feel bad.
So I've been trying to change that, and so far I've
been alot happier and more pleasant.

Lately, I have had not much of a social life at all.
I've been staying at home doing work as all of my friends
and even my roommate, chris, goes out and parties and
whatnot. It kinda sucks staying home all the time, but
I figured that I gotta stop slacking and get serious about this
shit. It really paid off, though. I made the position of producer
in my production workshop class cause I spent so much time
preparing for it, so I'm really happy about that. Now I just gotta
get on top of my co-op stuff and start looking for some jobs already.

Mon, 11 Sep 2006 04:23:41 GMT

Been doing some thinking today
I decided that everything is alright
There's no sense in worrying about things all the time
I just gotta get my shit together
No more bitchin
No more complainin
Things are good

Sun, 10 Sep 2006 06:10:14 GMT

for like the past month
i have totally stopped caring
about myself
about everything
and everyone

Sun, 10 Sep 2006 05:35:22 GMT

Last night was pretty out there.
Shyam had a party at his new apartment, so Matt, Mike, and Sergei came from Mahwah to go.
Darshan came to, I haven't seen that kid in over a year.
We were pretty much the only non-Indian kids there, and the loudest.
All I remember is playing beer pong and screaming the Fox Sports Theme song and Eye of the Tiger all night.
Then Matt got real drunk and fell into a painting, and gashed his head open.
Then the security showed up, and smelled the weed we were smoking in the stair well.
and Chris and Darshan ran away from the security cause they had weed.
And they hid out in some girl's room for like an hour.
Meanwhile, the cops came, and broke the party up.
And Matt was bleeding all over the place, and about to pass out.
So I went with him in the ambulance and to the emergency room.
And I was there with him til like 5:30 am
And I got really pissed off at everyone else once we got out.
Cause they continued to drink and were too fucked up to give us a ride home.
And I had no money for a taxi.
So I'm outside the hospital, with Matt who's about to pass out, going through his wallet, trying to find money for a cab.
Finally we get one.
And I'm done.

Sun, 03 Sep 2006 13:25:03 GMT

yesterday kinda sucked
i got a $300 parking ticket for parking in a handicapped zone
which was completely unintentional
i had no idea how i could have possibly done that
then i realized that as your approaching the spot, the signs are hidden by tree branches
which is pretty much my fault for not paying more attention
but considering it wasn't too clear, i'm thinking I should fight it
I mean, it is 300 dollars, money that I do not have right now
but I don't know if I could win that

Chris and I went to Ikea yesterday, the place was insane.
I bought some shelves for my room and a rug.
We also bought a shelf for the bathroom and a bath mat.
We went to King of Prussia later so I could bring my laptop to the Apple store to get looked at, but nobody was available to look at it
We we to Modell's to get some missing parts to the bench we're putting together
I went to Emily's new apartment again last night.
More sleeping on the floor, but at least I got a little amount of sleep this time.
Maybe I should just start sleeping in my own bed.
I am not getting any sleep.
And I end up waking up at 1:30 in the afternoon every day.
lame.

Sat, 02 Sep 2006 11:28:22 GMT

I am so beat.
I have spent the past 3 days moving and unpacking.
I'm finally in my new house, and it feels great. I am so happy, finally.
I have a feeling that things are going to look up now.
All day yesterday I was unpacking, and I realized how I have too much stuff.
My bedroom is too small for a desk, so I have no place to store most of my things.
I went over Emily's last night and hung out with her and her friends from home.
She just moved into her new apartment yesterday.
We played Super Mario Bros. 3 and Riff all night.
She didn't move her bed yet, and didn't have any furniture or anything, so we ended up sleeping on the floor.
Needless to say, I didn't get any sleep.
She had to go to work this morning, so I came back home to sleep, and my back, and my feet, and everything is killing me.

Hopefully whenever I wake up today, I can make it to King of Prussia.
I need to go to the apple store and get my laptop fixed.
I also need to go to Ikea so I can buy shelves and a rug and shit.

Yeah, sleep time, later.

Mon, 28 Aug 2006 07:43:26 GMT

wow, so, my laptop is pretty much fucked up right now
probably from having to carry it around in the rain in my backpack all night
this is great

Sun, 27 Aug 2006 21:37:41 GMT

this week is going to be a mess
i have a paper i need to write that was due on friday, and i hope my teacher accepts it late
i have 7 prints i need to make for photography
i have to move out, and i haven't even started packing yet because I just got boxes to pack with
I have to have everything out of here by Thursday
I also have my entire documentary that I need to edit and finalize hopefully by Wednesday
Not to mention I still have class which takes up alot of my day
and finals to study for next week

yay

Fri, 25 Aug 2006 06:04:47 GMT

whoops
hi, i'm back

Tuesday! I move into my new house!
so
you should come visit!

oh yeah, and, regarding my old house
we're just going to throw all of our trash and garbage in our backyard
and leave everything behind that we don't want
because that's how our landlord left the place for us

Mon, 07 Aug 2006 15:16:51 GMT

Dear whomever decided to smash my headlight and scratch up my car,
If I ever find you, I'll fucking murder you.

Mon, 07 Aug 2006 04:46:29 GMT

I wasn't going to go, but then I decided to go.
I was feeling so awesome all day on Friday, I was in such a good mood, and I felt so healthy.
But then, on Saturday, I just started feeling sick again, and today.
But, I thought, if I didn't go to the show, I'd probably just get depressed by laying around all night, so I went.
And it was worth it.

I bought 7 tickets, but everyone bailed on me, except for Bryan.
We were left with so many extra tickets, so I gave one to Amy and I went with her.
Bryan gave one to Big Eric, and one of Krista's friends used the other, soooo, at least I didn't lose that much money.

Amy and I got there late, so we missed Set Your Goals (thank god!) and This is Hell, the latter I was looking forward to seeing, but oh well.
We got there when Murphy's Law was setting up, they were fucking awesome. I saw them when I was in the 8th grade at the Wreck Room, and they're fucking hilarious. I like hardcore that's fun, and not so goddamn serious sometimes.

Comeback Kid played next, and what the fuck? Why were they headlining over Murphy's Law? That's not right. I kinda wish they gave their set to Murphy's Law so they could play for longer, but oh well. I enjoy Comeback Kid, but I've never liked them live for some reason. I danced when they played, figured it'd get me out of my shell a bit, but it just made me feel more like shit, haha.

For Gorilla Biscuits, since I was already sick and hot, I just stood in the back of the room. They were fucking amazing, not as good as when I saw them at CBGB over the summer, but still mind-blowing. As soon as they opened up with New Direction, I was wishing I was able to just go nuts, and that got me kinda pissed, but then I started thinking about how happy I was that I actually went. They played every song I think except for maybe one.

Awesome set, awesome show.

I hope I feel better this week, I got alot of work I need to catch up on, and I'm looking forward to going to Valley Forge and getting wasted on Wednesday.

Sun, 06 Aug 2006 23:16:00 GMT

i don't care that i am dying, i am going to go see Gorilla Biscuits because they are the greatest hardcore band ever, and I need this after such a shitty week.

Sun, 06 Aug 2006 00:32:16 GMT

i think that sometimes, we're always wanting to put a significant mark in someone's life
we don't want to be forgotten, we want to be remembered, we don't want to be pushed aside
we want to feel needed by providing for that person
we want to be able to be there for that person and wish for the best for them
but i also think, at the same time, we lose sight of those that are there for us
those that only want what's best for us, and nothing in return
those that really care about you and want to see you happy
we usually push those people aside,
because i think, most people would rather feel needed than loved

those that need you will usually not give anything back in return except the feeding of your ego
you're lucky if you have a friend who truly wants the best for you and desires nothing in return

nobody really needs anybody
the "needy" use the "needed" to temporarily feel happy about their lives
they think someone actually cares about them or loves them
the "needed" use the "needy" to boost their self-worth
they think they care, but they just off reassurance to someone who needs it to feel needed

don't lose sight of those that truly do care about you
true friends are hard to come by
devote your lives to these people
because they devote theirs to you
don't leave them behind

Sat, 05 Aug 2006 06:30:47 GMT

So this morning I went to my doctor to get checked out.
My glands are swollen so much.
He thinks I might have mono so he took a blood test.
I won't know for a few days.
I fucking hope I do not have mono, that would suck so much.
I don't have a fever anymore, though, which is good, but if I have mono, I'm probably going to feel just as worn out for another month. I'll just want to sleep for another month.

Today, I've been feeling so much better though, my throat is still a bit sore, but I feel healthy again.
I constantly want to just lay down though, which is the reason I'm afraid I have mono, haha.
I hung out with Sergei and Shyam, we went to Moe's for lunch.
Then we went to Shyam's and found a tire in his backyard, so we just kept on rolling it down this hill and hoping it'd soar off this ledge into this person's backyard, but it didn't work.
Then we just sat in his hallway for like three hours and talked about stupid shit.

I was gonna go to a party tonight, but, last minute, i just decided not to.
I just got so down out of nowhere and felt like going to sleep, haha.
I really disappointed my friend Matt, maybe it's good I didn't go.
I'd be too tempted to drink and I really don't think that's a good idea right now.
Dani called me like an hour after that and asked me if I wanted to hang out with her and her friend, so I decided to do that.
We just sat in her kitchen and talked for a bit, then went for a decent drive, not too bad.
and Jaci just told me the pancakes I made her a few weeks ago were the best pancakes she's ever had, no joke.
and that makes me feel awesome, haha.

Oh yeah, so apparently, in my documentary class, that video that Chris made about me being a vegan,
and another video about my friend Dan who is also in the class being vegan
prompted one of our classmates, Chandler, to explore vegetarianism.
I get so happy when something like that happens.
Like, people are always telling me it's a worthless cause and nobody cares.
And most people out there won't give a shit, and want to be ignorant and immature or whatever,
but there are a few people that realize good points are being made.
It makes me so excited that something I said influenced somebody to explore alternatives.
That's awesome.
I'm real siked right now.

That's all.
Goodnight.

Fri, 04 Aug 2006 06:40:49 GMT

i think it's kinda weird to say this, but i think i'm starting to feel better.
this entire week i've been all sorts of freaking out.
i knew it was going to happen, which is why i think i took it so well.
i was really anticipating it, i just knew it was coming.
oh well.
but, i guess i'm feeling better now, because now i know, and there's no reason to worry anymore.
yeah, i'm definately disappointed and hurt over it, but that's normal i guess.
but, the more i think back on it, like, i realize that it was alot of fun.
i remember how i was giddy like a fucking girl the night after our first kiss.
i remember how good it felt to wake up next to her in my arms.
i remember spending that day with her on the beach, and it seriously being one of the best days ever.
that day i knew i finally found somebody.
and it's sad to let that go, i am really going to miss all of that so much, but looking back and remembering how happy i was makes me happy.
so it's kinda bittersweet.
and three stupid words brought everything crashing down.
and i honestly don't think i "loved" her any more than she "loved" me.
because i don't know what true love really is, i don't know what it's like to be truly in love with someone or devote yourself entirely to someone
they're just words, words have no meaning, they're just labels i guess i realize now.
they're powerful words, though, and i guess they were the wrong choice.
but, i felt a certain way, and that really felt good, and i think that's all that really mattered.

it hurts, alot.
but, i'll move on.
it's just another chapter in my life i'll look back on and treasure.

oh well, that's life i guess, just gotta keep on rolling though

Tue, 01 Aug 2006 01:57:22 GMT

what the fuck??
my head is throbbing, my throat is fucking sore, and i have the chills and am constantly shivering.
i hate being sick.
i have a paper that's due tomorrow that i'm incapable of doing.
whenever i try to lay down and relax, i just hallucinate.
i probably won't be able to go to class tomorrow.
fuck.

Mon, 31 Jul 2006 15:23:33 GMT

Before I die, I want to talk to every single person that has had some sort of an impact on my life in any way. I want to confess my true feelings for them, if it be love, indifference, or hatred. I want to make amends for how I've done them wrong, ask for their forgiveness, and forgive them for any ways in which they've hurt me. I guess what I'm saying is, before I die, I'd want some sort of clarity and closure to my life. I don't want to leave with anything hanging. I want everything to be settled before I leave. That is happiness, for me.

Mon, 31 Jul 2006 12:30:38 GMT

Fuck, what a way to start a day
what a way to start a week

...this is not going to be a good week

Mon, 31 Jul 2006 04:36:29 GMT

If imperfections are illegal
Then you should call the cops
And they should lock me up

Sun, 30 Jul 2006 23:18:49 GMT

Spending all friggin' day in the developing lab = lame.
Therapeutic my ass.

Thu, 06 Jul 2006 07:39:02 GMT

So today, I had some time to kill before class, so I decided to clean up my room a bit. Amongst all the clutter on my desk, I found this free DVD thing that I got free at a show a while ago that Peta2 put out. I looked at the sleeve, and it listed interviews with some people and bands. I knew I didn't really have much need for it, so I decided to pop it into my laptop and check it out before I trashed it.
Now, yeah, I haven't always respected Peta's practices in the past. I have to give them credit, they've swayed many towards a vegetarian lifestyle, myself included, but I see alot of what they do as poor propaganda. Shock, but no substance. This is exactly what this DVD is. Let me give you a little example...
There was an interview with some guy from the Used, speaking at some benefit show they were playing against animal testing.
Now, I can't quite remember what his exact quotes were, but it was not very far at all from this...
"Animal testing is fucked up, there is no reason we need to test on animals to find things out, it's just fucked up, that's why we're playing this benefit, because it's fucked up"
Wow, really?
Care to expound upon that?
Thanks for the info. Now that I know one of my favorite icons, some Used douchebag tells me that animal testing is "fucked up", it really must be true!
And this DVD is full of this shit!
Just a bunch of bands that really have nothing to say, but eating animals is fucked up, and animal testing is fucked up, with shocking images of animals in slaughterhouses and labs thrown in there.
I was surprised even Rise Against didn't even have anything enlightening to say.
There were some good interviews, but this thing was chock full of people who had absolutely nothing to say.

Why is this a bad thing?
I am a vegan, and I believe strongly in the rights of all humans and non-humans, However, I do not believe that the ends justify the means.
I don't think there is any good reason for anybody to eat meat, but I encourage people to make that educated decision on the way to live there life.
All this is doing, is giving impressionable kids the idea that it's cool to be vegetarian, because all of their cool icons are, but none of these people even know anything.
Don't get me wrong, I thought it was great to hear about all of these people being vegetarian, but by Peta putting out this DVD, it's not doing anything to enrich someone's mind or expose people to anything when nothing is really being said.
The act of eating meat is considered an acceptable and often times favorable act in our society. We are told this, we buy into this concept. For many, through exposure, education, and compassion, vegetarianism and veganism has provided a humane and healthier alternative. The major point is that it is a challenge to the standards of our society and questions what we see as an acceptable practice.
By using this form of propaganda, the youth of our nation are not challenging or questioning anything. They are merely following the ideals presented to them by false icons like a trend. In short term, yes, it's a great thing. Many new people will be exposed to the issues of animal rights and can possibly make a difference. In the long run, I'm not so sure. I don't think these people will have learned anything new.
They have not been presented with objective information to let them make an educated decision for themselves. Therefore, they have not exercised their minds. They may just as easily be swayed into any other frame of thinking without thinking for themselves.
I don't know, maybe I'm being hypocritical. Surely, I was probably turned onto vegetarianism through the same type of propaganda.
Maybe I'm totally wrong.
I guess maybe I just become a bit disillusioned when I expect to see intelligent people saying intelligent and though-provoking things, but instead I am given a bunch of cool scenester band-dudes that really don't have much to say.
You're fighting against the corporate world that creates these inhumane acts, but you're using the same tactics to sway people. People will never learn to seperate want from needs if they're constantly being coerced.

If anybody cares to debate this, feel free to respond.

Thu, 06 Jul 2006 06:18:03 GMT

I am amazed at what we have shared in the months that have passed
this is a thank you for getting my heart beating fast
<33333

Wed, 05 Jul 2006 06:57:57 GMT

Don't fucking judge me and don't fucking think you know what you're talking about.
Cause you don't.
It must be nice to think you have everyone so goddamn figured out.

Good job trying to call me on my shit,
but you missed, try again.

Sun, 02 Jul 2006 15:47:06 GMT

That was not fun, at all
Just really embarrassing

Sat, 01 Jul 2006 14:47:22 GMT

Yesterday was alot of fun.

I went to the beach with Jaci and Matt.
Geez, was it expensive.
I had no idea it would cost 6 bucks each just to get on the beach.
Shows how much I know.
We played some frisbee and volleyball and walked around on the boardwalk.
Kelsey met up later, and we sat around and talked and played some more frisbee.
Then we went to Surf Taco for dinner, and I just got a smoothie.
Good times, I finally feel like it's summer, and it finally feels like it should.

And I'd also like to say that I really don't give a fuck about what other people think.
Well, okay, maybe I do, we all do. We're all a little self-conscious.
But because I've been doing something for so many years of my life because of the fact that I cared about what people thought, I think it's time to get out of that.
Yeah, I'm talking about drink, "straight-edge", what have you.
When I started that whole lifestyle, it felt right for me at the time.
It wasn't like I was against drugs or alcohol, not at all, I just felt like I didn't need it, so I didn't do it.
And I still believe that there are alot of people that use substances as a crutch for the problems they can't figure out themselves or are not strong enough to deal with.
That's my whole stance on everything.
And I still stand by that.
However, I'm just really not that passionate about it, I never was.
I am not anti-alcohol at all.
I think having a few drinks with your friends and having a fun time is alright.
I think having a drink with your family at some special occasion is alright.
I think that getting wasted, making poor decisions, and leading a life obsessed with partying is not alright.
The only reason why I haven't had casual drinks is because of the fear of "breaking edge"! Oh no!
From that, I was always afraid of losing respect in the eyes of others. I know a few people who'd be like "ah hell yeah!" but there are a few people that I thought, and I know, would think less of me.
But that's the thing, I don't think I should make decisions in my life based around what others think of me.
I guess others could be a rational judge to what's beneficial and not, but I'm mature enough to know what's best for me.
So hopefully, people will respect that.
And if you don't, well, I don't really know what to say,
and I don't really care either, so fuck off.
I just want to start doing my own thing, and stop basing my life around other people's judgments.